sick

A sore throat cherished and nursed by hot sips.
A head of emotions and fluidity.

I equal the clouds, in every manner,
fluffy is my heart, caught cozy warm in blankets of percipitation;
my core, a strong hold on the cold liquid I am made of;
and my exterior, the white, almost translucent, covering to a simple yet unique figure of speech.

Sick, with the knowledge, that of which made me sick.
It appears as though I am not the only one.

Also, it appears, that I love this sickness so, to not care of contamination.

A stuffy nose of indifference, for the ones as lucky as I.
An aching body,  to show you I took your sickness away.

Thanks, for letting me drift, stay.

Heavier than ununoctium and uranium combined,
my heart sits and beats as still as a puddle in an uninhabited forest.
Undisterbed by the powerful winds of spring.
Still frozen, paralyzed from the chosen avalanches of ones destiny.

Trapped in optimism of soluitude, in its frozen state so true.
Here it cannot disappoint, here it cannot disappear.

Tyson

When your ment to have a being in your life, your body is made with a little crevasse just for them .
When I say little, to our physical bodies, it is little. But to our souls this hole is big enough for the whole being to crawl into and be safe when they are hurt. It’s the place for us put them, to protect them from the world.
When it is time for that being leave. When that being’s soul is ready to return to its real home, it leaves the home you’ve made for them empty.
Now you have this hole.
This dark empty hole, that to your body is so small.
But to your soul you are missing a piece of you. This empty hole becoming big enough for you, yourself to fall into.
When you have a hole inside of your being, ment for a being who’s ment to forever be a part of you, and that being falls away to a place without you, what is there for you to do?
You can’t fill this gaping hole, you can’t bring them back, your memory of them is fading away by the second, and all you want to do is to be woven into the collar that they used to wear.
When your ment to have a being in your life, your sometimes ment to loose them too.
That deep dark hole was created for you to always have that being with you. Even if that crevasse is forever empty
It was created to hold them. Just for you and just for them.

I have been conquered by today,
And it seems that had to be that way.
I had to once again see
That life is not about me.
For the past three days,
My heads been stuck in a cold maze.
Filled with coughs, and sniffles, and tissues like never before,
Making me feel like I cannot take any more.
But as I sat in my car, about to get angry a red light,
An idea hit me, like the lights on the car across the street from me, shining bright.
What am I doing wasting my time,
Instead of being so angry I could be sitting in the rain trying to rhyme.
I was told today that the rain is to continue for the next three days,
That thought alone leaving me in a contradictory haze.
I need to get better,
But that’s impossible if I continue to go out into the rain without a sweater.
For in my heart the rain always prevails,
Simply because the gloomy weather is perfect to tell my tales.
So grasping the last three days of this storm,
Continually writing will keep me mentally, and physically warm.
Cheers to the rain,
For keeping me sain.
For dulling my hearts pain,
And never letting my writing be in vain.

Normally I like to think that I am quite good at embracing change,
But it seems as tho, right now my tires are skidding at the sight of how my life has rearranged.
With the loss of the closest furry friends I’ve ever had in this life,
I’m wandering around trying to rid my heart its mourning knife.
This feeling of being alone,
Seeps in the deepest when I am at home.
Making it the rarest feeling I’ve ever known.
I can feel the tides changing, the past three weeks providing many examples
From losses, and friends moving, even the objective of my wander, the biggest change being how my heart pulls.
I’m a creature of happiness, or at least I was, before this flip,
But now, day by day I have to forcefully catch myself from letting my emotions slip.
With 75% of me wanting to be consumed by the darkness, the last 25% Just can’t stand the thought of being swallowed.
Waking up and being joyous is becoming quite the load.
In this strange new world I’ve found, event the flowers are growing upsidedown.
In this gloomy state of being,
As much as I hate it, it’s only negitivity I’m seeing.

With a thumpity thump, my heart slows stilling and trapping the chills inside my bones.
Leaving my body echoing with gut wrenching tones.
I so badly just want to stay here, and let my all wash to shore,
Only the miniscule bit of optimism left wont let me, it says I must fight this war.
Shine bright like the sun,
Give that darkness a reason to run.
I won’t let this sadness swallow me whole,
It just so happens that right now, sadness is my role.
I’m lost in this mess of a flux,
The fact that I asked for it, the crux.

A not so desperate plea for companionship

my reflection I see beauty.

Beauty working hard to consume my whole.

Is that its role?

In my reflecton can you see my mind?

Or even that I am half blind?

What do I portray?

I do hope its as bright as a sun ray.

An individualistic intelligence, stuck in a state of trance.

Its deep down there, In

striking when Im low, hurting me everywhere.

Loneliness ruins.

But not a soul shall tell.

An emotional state in hell.

This fear of feeling far to deeply,

used to living far to freely.

Ill walk through life holding my own hand.

Im far to independent to depend.

 But still, Its true, I need a friend.

Some one who will talk, of love, of moral, of books,

even sometimes remove me from hooks.

We’ll be independently dependent with a friendship of security.

You hear me rendering,

 be the song.

I want you to see, I am.

A girl from a different land.

Music boiling in my blood,

 I could write you a song,

as long as, you wouldn’t find it wrong.

Its a infinite friendship that I long.

FOR

Great passion, more given then ever to receive .

Trust, something to believe.

Independency, within our minds, dependency is nothing to achieve.

Im not going to beg,

I know you’ll come.

That night we’ll celebrate with rum.

 In the mean time I’ll continue to think,

always telling myself Im on the brink.

A young blonde girl, lost in a whirl. Waiting for the friend,

who will be with her till the end.

Today’s gone by, the whole day without you.
I’ve only asked myself once, what am I to do.
I drove to your house, just like you told me you wished so many times.
But that was two weeks ago, when I was writing heart broken rhymes.
I lied and now your gone,
You’re the one that left, as I sat there on my lawn.
I needed time to heal, I can’t chase Anything with a broken limb.
You and your expectations are making the road so dim.
It reminds me of you, this thing we call life.
Every second, every sound, every apple cutting knife.
Snap goes that tie,
Little white lie.
Many more tears,
None swallowing your fears.
Please hear me when I say
It’s inmy heart you will always lay.

I want
Your legs
Draped over my shoulders,
Your voice,
Breath-filled and coy;
Your hands
Pulling me in closer,
Your body writhing with joy;

My face
Buried deep between
Your thighs,
Holding me in place
My nose
Filled with your sweet scent
My tongue
Dancing with your taste.

I want
Your kisses to be soft,
Your face hair
To be scruffy,
Your plans
Be confidential
Your heart
Filled with pleasure.

My noises
Be music to your ears.
My fingers
Pulling at your hair.
My mind
So blown by you
My heart
No longer in two.

Love.

This world is filled with love. Everywhere I look I see it, in many forms.
Those younge couples, those old couples, my aunt and uncle, both my best friends.
I see the love I love, but that love clouds my eyes.
I know the dark side of love, the side I'm so afraid of.
The world is filled with hate.
In many human beings, it is so.
In the young, in the old, in every story told.

It's a crazy thing called love, and opposites always attract.
Maybe there's a reason I should be scared, infact.

.

Don't take me there,
it hurts to much.
Before my dreaded hair,
When we were in love and such.

I fucked it up,
More than just missing par.
I take it back, that hidden "supp".
Even if it stop you from being far.

I hate myself for ruining love for you,
Your eyes, your heart, your soul, so blue.

Never forgive me, I don't deserve it.
I deserve to live my life with my candle forever unlit.

Just know one thing,
You'll always make my heart sing.
I love you.

Love

In alchemy , the prinicipal that governs all things is called the soul of the world.
When you want something with all of your heart, that's when you are the closest to the soul of the world.

I should not like being alone this much.
Being alone is supposed to be my punishment .

allmixedupandtoreupaboutbeingme

I see a girl, not skinny, not fat, not tall, about short.
She is light on the eyes, literally. Blonde hair, one blue and one green (eyes), pale skin and white teeth.
Shes even light on the ears, with most the population.


I feel a girl who wants to share. But with only those who are willing to listen.
I feel positively alone, her favorite.  Happy with all that changes, she does not fear the past nor feel the pain.
I feel the need to let it be, with most the population.


I think I am a girl that cannot see her outer shell. I think I am a girl that does not want an outer shell.
I think I am a girl that thinks to much,and does not reflect enough.
She thinks she is a girl, no one can see. Reality? I think I am a girl that wants no one to see, at least with most the population.

Chris McCandless.
you died 19 years ago...
always my biggest hero.
I feel what you longer for, not just a rains pour.
To live in the wild, to prove you're no child.
Nature it calls, it beckons my soul.
Or maybe I am misled and its where I belong, for my heart never tells me its wrong.
To live with the trees, to survive on the land.
To let my being freeze among mother natures cold sand.

There is a reason I always want to be alone, never residing to a home is prone.
I do not like the animals we have become, its people I run from.
Wind fills my bones in just the right way, to it I pray.
Help me find the road, the one embeded with my hearts code... may it be Maine or Spain, or a wide open plain. Filled with flowers, no towers, no humans, no lies.
I want to live looking through Earth's eyes.

Oh Chris, for you I will kiss,
This adventure that lies within me, right on the lips.
It will be mine, dirt one with my spine.
Ill put my heart to the grind.

Ill go, Im going, Im gone.

8.28.12

A day of drowsiness, a day of dispair, I don't know what to do with myself, I just want to be free.
Just get through today, maybe tonight's sleep will heal all. If not read another book, that's never a bad call.

Just breath.

the begining of something old and unfinished, with a little of my worry spot .

The start to a mental unload.
My days drive, endurance, and  ,
never keeping there eye on the end of the road.


^ Unfinished.

Worry Spot.
A rubbed off corner
A stress relief
Never found amongst happiness & cheer,
only grief.
Its the loneliness of this corner that I fear.
I do not want it to feel alone, but instead feel me as home.